We were both in happy LTR's, so there was no flirting or anything like that, but it felt really good to speak honestly and openly. What if you start talking again and old feelings resurface? Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), My Ex Is With Someone Else But Still Contacts Me, decide if you want to be friends with your ex, They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, what to do when your ex contacts you years later, when an ex boyfriend contacts you years later, when an ex girlfriend contacts you years later, When A Guy Cries At The Thought Of Losing You. If you still have feelings for this ex, and are considering the prospect of getting back together, dont just jump into it. Due to pride, they dont get back together immediately, get on with their lives, and date other people. When you pass your due date - UF Health, University of Florida Health The first time was about 6 months later. The most common reason your ex-girlfriend will reach out to ask how you are doing is to make sure you are doing okay because she still cares about you, and loves you as a person. He had no intention of getting back with you romantically. Anyways, I was young and didn't handle the situation well. Observe the way he or she speaks to you and see how long it takes for your ex to lose interest and stop talking. Unfortunately, when they show up like this and vent about their problems on you, then disappear again, it just creates frustration and emotional turmoil for you. And if theres a new partner in the picture, the green-eyed monster might rear its ugly head. Getting an outside opinion from someone can prevent this thing from venturing into the tricky territory of hot-and-cold and help you maintain the blissful life you have been leading since the breakup. Here are six common reasons for exes getting back together years later. We dont sign up for certain catastrophes in life. Sure. Press J to jump to the feed. By reaching out, they determine whether their ex hates them, likes them, loves them, respects them, or feels neutral about them. There is really no reasonlet sleeping dogs lie. They're Looking For An Ego Boost Unfortunately, the knowledge that you're there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. What role are they going to play? Your ex is an ex for a reason, and giving them attention when your present life is fulfilling isnt really worth it. Good emotional support is tough to come by out there in the cold, dark dating world. When an ex contacts you years later, make sure you dont actively try to turn it into a guilt trip for them. I was living about 1.5 hours away at the time, had moved away even before our break-up. That was all he wanted and said hes glad Im ok, never heard from him since. I realised after a few weeks that I was the only one initiating again. If you're in the midst of a no contact rule, which includes time frames of 21 days, 30 days, and 45 days, you may be sitting and thinking that you should respond back to your ex. She said, Wow, instant reply. I had an ex find me 12 years after we broke up and reached out to me. You should be able to talk to whoever you want, but keeping your partner informed in this regard is wise. You might have completely moved on and be having the time of your life then suddenly, heres your ex. How many do, I don't know. Want to know more? 10 Signs Your Ex Is Testing You | How To Respond? AW, has an ex ever reached out to you years later? How did it - Reddit Im not sure if Im doing the right thing. It can be confusing when your ex reaches out after years because you dont know what their motives are. No matter what the scenario is, it will take some time to settle your thoughts if you have to handle an ex coming back years later. (in 1997 she broke off an engagement she was 22 and I was 28). I think she just wanted to test the waters for a while since she missed you. What do you intend to do now that your ex contacted you? It could be your mental peace, could be the relationship with your new partner. On a whim, I looked to see if he was on Facebook. When the call, email, ortext messagecomes, dont feel that you need to be polite. Wants your help with something. This reminds us that whatever the threat is that were facing, it can be overcome. And I think it's natural for some people to want to. If they have written, Hey! No one says you need to entertain them. If you catch yourself spiraling a little, it's OK.. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? Video calls with loved ones are really meaningful when youre not getting to see anyone outside of your own reflection in the mirror. Secondly, it also gives us evidence that . Sometimes time apart makes your ex realize what they lost when they walked away from your relationship. He then kept trying to reach out later because he was convinced a cartel was trying to kill him and it was my fault. But they do that only if they still have some respect for their ex, if they see that their ex has grown significantly in their absence, or if they get hurt. They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, so they remember their exes and use them as a backup plan. Your mentality has changed, and things are not how they used to be. How To Respond To An Ex Reaching Out After Months Of Silence - Elite Daily Somepossible reasonsfor rekindling the relationship include regretting the break-up, the ex is a better partner, and they were soul mates. We welcome the Reddit community to elicit opinions on a variety of matters from our community of women ages 30 and up. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. hings in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. How Did You Feel When Your Ex Reached Out to You? Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? Maybe you were really close with one of your exs friends or family members, and theyre either seriously ill and on their deathbed, or they died suddenly. Strangely, I am going through health issues and was quite surprised about his message. We suggested you to not reply too soon when exes come back after no contact. We also struggled with communication but we were young so makes sense lol). Its up to you, but she is married, after all. What To Do When Your Ex Calls You Again After 5 Years Should you reach out to an ex years later? - The Attraction Game So yes, exes come back years after the breakup. Most adults in their 40s and up spent long hours on the telephone as teenagersthey were the way we deepened friendships, kindled romances, and were able to comfortably whisper our deepest secrets or express our angerwhen there was no other way to get close to the friend, romantic interest, or ex-romantic interest. One such conundrum hits us when our exes come back after no contact and we are clueless about how to respond. I'm Sorry for What Happened His email said that he'd had some things on his mind. I reached out to let him know, and asked if he'd like to meet up in person for a bit, that I wanted to see him and also apologize for how things had gone down. 6. Many exes contact their previous partners years later. Jaseena tells us how to put a lid on overthinking. Do you like how your life looks without your ex? You live separate lives now and he needs to respect that. These may be friends, family members, and love interests whom they may have wounded emotionally or with whom they fell out and its totally normal to want to find a way to resolve longstanding issues and gain a sense of peace. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to his wife? Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. What to do if an ex contacts you after years isnt the easiest thing to decide. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. Or maybe you both ended things mutually and somehow stayed out of touch for years. It weighs on me even now (a few months after) but ultimately I didnt know what to say or how to respond. The Real Reasons Your Toxic Ex Keeps Crawling Back - According To But instead of telling yourself something like, My ex contacted me after 2 years and Im starting to think they have genuinely changed, try to take a minute to assess the whole situation. He was. You must keep in mind that your ex (the dumper) decides what kind of a relationship is possible. You are right that there probably isn't a deeper meaning t9 it. She is remarried and I do not want to interrupt that but I never had a chance to thank her for being such a great step mom to my children even after we were not in contact. How I Felt When An Ex From Years Ago Emailed Me to Apologize Its much more important that he lets you enjoy your life in peace. If you dont want to reply, you dont have to and you frankly shouldnt. If one of my exes reached out to me years after the break-up Id know that their personal lives have become a great disappointment and now theyre reevaluating what they foolishly threw away years before. Thank you Zan for your perspective. Just ask, Why did you reach out to me after all this time? Your ex will likely be at a loss of words at first, but soon either give you the truth or half-truth. The next weekend, the friend showed up again, and this time he brought my ex. Your ex didnt treat you very well when you were together, and to top it off, they dumped you and never looked back. Often, urges to contact an ex may come up at the end of an unhealthy relationship and not for healthy ones. We invested a lot of time in one another so it's nice to learn how the other is turning out. I read it and deleted it without responding. As you say, it was likely just an attempt to ease her guilt. Here are ten reasons why exes reach out years later. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. As youve read, its the norm for people to get back together after theyve been broken up for years. I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. When we experience a sense of danger or face threats, most of us immediately are driven to seek out our support network members. They dont get to stalk you on social media and meeting you in person is beyond their reach. If you were in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do when your ex reaches out is not to respond. Talking to an ex after years can haunt you with memories, so buckle up. Do what's best for you. You dont need to reply if you dont want to (things could get out of hand). I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. In the abuse survivor community, this type of behavior is known as "hoovering." What if the ex just wants to hook up and would want to do it with someone familiar rather than a stranger? Most people go through lifehidingparts of their character because theyre afraid of being judged. Why would an ex contact you years later? Friendships are funny thingssome of the relationships you think are the deepest are really reflecting more about the intensity of that time in your life, not the genuine depth of the relationship. 7. But he and his wife are in local choirs so I reached out because Im interested in that myself. This goes double if you had a true friendship at the center of your bond. I just this week had an ex reach out after 20 years. An immediate response is never a good idea. That's an interesting angle I did not consider, I'm glad it helped! We were together for about 5 years until she broke it off. When this no-contact situation casts its shadows on your ex, they will look for opportunities to get in touch with you. This isnt the time to look for alternative sources of happiness. I stopped going to the club in case they came again. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. When an ex contacts you years later, talk to someone about it, 5. The bitterness, anger, and disappointment buried deep down may rear their ugly heads when this text lights up your screen. Yesterday, he said, My ex and I are talking again. My ex contacted me after 10 + years. They just want you to know theyre sorry. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. If the person ghosted you leaving you in dire need of closure, you might feel tempted to respond to their message. Like a lot of reasons on this list, this might be totally unconscious. The next thing you know, youre back in an unhealthy relationship because you were enticed by a moment of weakness. Remember, friendships are often place-bound or time-bound relationships and their remembered intensity may be reflecting more about the intensity of that period of your life rather than the depth of that friendship. I tried so much to get her to stay but ended up hurting myself really badly in the process as she was my first so I really wanted it to work. If we cross paths I will thank her otherwise I am letting this one go. However, before taking any action, you should listen to what theyve got to say, get some advice, and dont respond. I think it is best I keep my distance to avoid stirring the pot. However, if youre thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely. Thank you for being you. (ETA: Not in an obsessive "someday-we'll-be-together-again" way, lol. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. It will only convey the message that you are still miserably hung up on them. like you said, no one would probably get much out of the interaction. I did the same thing with my ex - apologized for my abusive behavior toward him in the past and made it clear I wasn't looking for anything else from him. But how are you supposed to know that for sure? Yes, I reached out to my first love. Perhaps they dont have the energy to get to know another person from scratch, to reach the level of ease and intimacy that you shared. They are not trying to rekindle the relationship or become friends. But years later, they realize they could have worked their way through their problems and that breaking up was a mistake. If you still have feelings for your ex, that doesnt mean you should talk to your ex and get your hopes up. I've talked to him a few times and it just seemed like he needed to remember happy times for a bit. I'd be more likely to reach out to his wife and apologize for not seeing sooner how hurt she was, and that I was being selfish (I was, entirely). You just sit tight and wait for your ex to reveal what he or she wants. If an ex suddenly reaches out after 10 - 15 years and you're - Quora Do you want to pursue a relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship, or do you wish not to speak with your ex? Hd01_1080p___ - I'm glad we spoke, given how messily and immaturely things had ended. While I was in I met my now ex while she was going to college, we really hit it off and dated for 3 years. When you receive a text or call from an ex years after the breakup, the very first thing you must do is learn why your ex reached out to you. This is a possibility if you ended the relationship on good terms. This helps us in two different ways. Despite their problems in their relationship, they were soul mates, and theyd never been able to find such a deep connection with anyone else since the break-up. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). If you had a deep friendship backing up the passionate side of your relationship, they can feel like you are still a soft place to fall, emotionally. I think you should let this one go. Tell them that your ex is trying to reach you. He sent me another not long after, again I read it and deleted it. Advertisement. PostedMay 1, 2020 We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. But heres what you should consider doing when you discover that your ex: To conclude, here are 7 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. If you just went on a date and he responds 3 days after, he might be following an old dating rule to make you more interested in him. Three times in ten years sounds just like he wants some (very minimal) contact with someone who he spent five years of his life with. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to ask your ex some questions back. If you are looking for an explanation, ask for it. It is okay if he contacts you after so many years. 1. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. His best friend from high school saw me there and recognized me. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. But some people are lucky enough to meet that one person who accepts everything about them. And think of yourself first. It takes more energyemotional and physicalto make a phone call or video call than it does to send a text or "like" a social media post. I once reached out though, in a moment of guilt and stress, to an ex in attempt to apologize for everything that happened (at that time 4yrs in the past. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. What do you think? Even if you do respond, make sure you can do so in an indifferent manner, says Jaseena. Additionally, if youre getting back with your ex because youre lonely, that may not be a good idea either. After their first failed romance after yours, they realize that the vision they had of what it might be like to be with someone else isnt all it was cracked up to be. How else do you handle an ex coming back when there is such a big, unresolved issue?. Youll set your own pace and see if your ex agrees. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? On the contrary, the partner who initiated this breakup would get a reality check. So, be a good human being and talk about it to your partner. Is there space for them if youre planning on letting your ex back into your life? When An Ex Contacts You Years Later - Magnet of Success They want to hear it from you directly. She didnt have the basic courtesy to offer me an explanation, says Elena, To this day, I wonder what went wrong in our perfectly happy relationship that she had to back off like that! Personally I've never reached out to an ex - but my abusive ex of 5 years reached out to me. My ex reached out to me about 15 years after we broke up. I did some things in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. Unfortunately, though, she didnt miss you long enough. Lets explore the possible reasons behind an ex trying to make their way back into your life: Exes come back after months. People are not static, and friendships that cant shift and grow as people do just cant endure. They are Feeling Lonely. And this isn't just a one year anomaly either. It was so dumb, just irrational avoidance and not being ready yetThe five-year gap was apparently not enough, lol. You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but theyve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life youre living without them. Listen, the messages are very casual and kind of nice but I really don't feel like I have anything in common with this person, it would never occur to me to message him. There are some things only you know about your partner. If you were dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex, asking your ex this question is perfectly fine. Talking again was good, and I'm happy we did. Stay out of contact with him, Al. This Is What You Should Do When Your Ex Reaches Out To You There is no pretentious behavior, and they are comfortable with each other. They broke up in 2007 because Prince William thought he was too young to be in such a serious relationship and wanted to enjoy his youth. Turns out she was in a 12 step program and got to the step where she was supposed to make up with those she'd done wrong in the past. The bottom line is that if youre thinking about starting the relationship again, you must think about it carefully. Lets not lose sleep over only the unpleasant prospects. I suggested spending more time together at hers, or going away together somewhere to stay for a period. If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. On the other hand, if theyre calling because they want to get back together, youll need to think carefully about that. Keep up with Elizabeth on Twitter and attracttheone.com. Like I said, I never reached out to an Ex. You might end up immediately assuming things like: Is this a new start to our relationship? This is particularly common with exes who feel stifled in the relationship, and as though they were missing out on something else by being with you. 8 Things To Do When Your Ex Contacts You Years Later, 4. Every relationship ends differently and there is no strict rulebook to follow when it comes to dealing with an ex contacting you years later. You should be careful so you dont misinterpret your exs behavior and get mislead and hurt. Now that theyre dealing with issues concerning the things only you know about, theyve got no one else to turn to. Heartbreak Burnout. How have you been?, dont conclude that the nasty text they sent to you while breaking up meant nothing, and that they want to get back together. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. Its almost like youve been waiting for me. The humiliation I felt after that made sure I never texted her back again, Aaron, a construction manager, shares with us. Perhaps you thought youd completely moved on, but their message reminds you of all the good times that you didnt even know you had buried away. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. I'd like to apologize to him because he didn't deserve that. The only reason your ex is trying tore-establish contactis that they need some advice about a serious issue theyre having. Before you start having two-hour-long conversations with your ex after midnight, think about how your current partner will feel. My ex contacted me after 2 years and I couldnt help but immediately respond to ask her what she wanted. It could also just be curiosity which I understand to a certain extent I guess. That something may not necessarily be what you may have been hoping for, but its something only you have. I've been honestly tempted since reevaluating everything about the last ten years of my life. You havent heard from your ex in years, and theyre contacting you out of nowhere. [9] It can be a shock to get a random text or phone call from your ex. To handle an ex coming back with dignity, you should ponder on all the probable scenarios to stay a step ahead of them. ), I reached out 1-2 weeks ago (2-years later), got no response. I didnt feel empowered by her reaching out, just felt sad more than anything else. Any normal ex would respect the life youve built for yourself and keep it moving. After years of single life and suffering from loneliness, they decide to get back together with their ex. Let me know what your plans are in the comments below. I have no idea what to do. For the past year, I've been letting go of people from my past & focusing on what I want in an ideal partne. It makes them feel so inadequate, they want to see if they can disrupt it. I told him I am married now. How To Reach Out To An Ex-boyfriend Or Ex-girlfriend? Now that you are planning your life with a new person, the chances of your ex-partner getting back together with you are practically zero. Its okay if your ex doesnt contact you, Linda. In such cases, the steps to ensure closure need to come from within. Its not that people want their ex to suffer, per se, its that they may feel a sick ego boost when comparing their progress after your breakup to their own. After 4 years, my ex reached out to me asking how I have been (The end of our relationship was somewhat mutual. Also, if you had fixable problems in your relationship that they didnt solve when you were together, they might have changed that about themselves and pop up in an attempt to show off or get you back. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), What To Do When An Ex Reaches Out After Years, Is It Common For Exes To Get Back Together Years Later. I feel a lot better then I did then knowing the what ifs., I'm sorry she did not get back to you, I understand wanting to heal a friendship. When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. He mentioned catching up and I respectfully declined, immediately established the limit. We talked briefly. I hadn't recognized him at all bc he was a late bloomer -- he'd still been boy-looking back when I'd known him. That doesnt, however, mean that you should talk to her, keep getting closer, and abandon your wife. He also has a kid. Do exes come back after leaving for someone else? Easy Ways to Respond when He Finally Reaches Out: 11 Steps - WikiHow TBO we didnt really even say good-bye was no real closure. After the initial gloomy impact of the breakup is lifted, they perceive that leaving you (or cheating on you) was a huge mistake. He contacted me on the exact date we broke up 4 years ago in february. In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. You slipped back into a temporary depression, but this wont last long. Takeaway It was just a very strong intuition, and one that was "confirmed" when he'd shown up at that beach thing, even though the rational part of my mind said I couldn't really "know" that, and that it probably wasn't likely. 2 Take a moment to work through how you feel before replying. Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. Reaching out to an ex years later can play out in one of two ways, you either connect with each other again or nothing good comes of it. Such dumpers often get nostalgic, hurt, and depressed so they contact an ex they used to be close to and come running back faster than greased lightning. You DO NOT have to maintain a protocol, thinking that itll be too rude to not reply.